But I guess that's to be expected, what with school and everything. I feel like there's something I should be doing...something other than looking for Rogue. Does anybody know where she goes at night? I've stopped by her room the past few nights and she's never there. Last night I didn't even go by, I just assumed she wouldn't be there...so of course, I was surprised to see her standing outside my door this morning. Never thought I'd much like being domestic, making breakfast and such...man, am I dwelling on this.
I needed a break. My head was spinnin’ in a thousand different directions and I could see where I wanted to go but didn’t have the courage to get there. She breeds insanity, I’m sure of it. I’ve never really had to deal with wantin’ something I couldn’t have. I pride myself on that, on being able to have anyone... and I could have her. I would take the pain just to touch her, and I have. It’s just not easy dealin’ with what could be forever when you’re a guy like me. Mon dieu, she really has gotten to me.
That’s why I went home. It’s not so much home anymore as just familiar streets, faces that nod and smile a little because they recognize you from way back when. That easiness that comes from so much time spent…well, I don’t suppose I spent a lot of time learnin’ about people for the good of things, did I? I tell myself I gotta change that, get on with life from the better perspective. I was worried that bein’ back there might change me, make me want that life back, but all I could think about was her...
What a fun night. I haven't been to a fair in ages, it seems. We went on every ride we could, and spoiled ourselves with cotton candy. I'm still as good at those games as I remember, too. I'm missing my jacket, though, and it has my decks of cards in it. I'm all fidgety without them. I never realized I could get like that. Glad I have my cigarettes.